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| Writers Block |
| 04.30.04 (7:22 am) [edit] |
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The end of an era, again. Hamster boy got cut loose, its sad really... its like losing your warm up comic. Our comic relief is gone. What the hell am i gonna rant about now, this sucks. Its not like i'm gonna run into someone else who fits the role of Toolbox and Hamster boy so well. To be both is phenominal. One of a kind this guy, a real geeky dweeby spaz like they had on saturday night live, he was in a constant state of controlled panic, by controlled i mean when he was lost in his social dementia, he didn't kill anyone or slam his head into hard objects. I coulda wrote about this guy for days, one time i called him right, he answered... somewhat normal conversation, we hang up. 2 hours later he musta saw my number in his recent calls list on his cell phone, being the hamster that he is he calls the number, "hey this is hamster boy, did you call me?" i decide to fuck with him so i say no sorry wrong number... " but i see here in my phone you called me" no sorry, click. 2 minutes later, ring... " hey Mike ,its hamster boy returning your call" i'm like who is Mike , " you are you called me" i finally had to let the hamster out of the bag, Toolbox its me Dave, what the fuck is wrong with you. "oh Dave, did you call me?" yes you hamster and we talked, it was 2 hours ago remember.. "oh yea thats right, sorry" Whaaaaat?!! Now he is gone, and i am sad. will i ever encounter inspiration like that ever again?? I hope so. RIP Hamster Boy.
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2 Comments
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| Oakland sux |
| 04.29.04 (8:54 am) [edit] |
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Yea thats right you freeloading male nurse donkey scrotums, we beat you silly twice and tonight we are gonna slap you silly again. I'll be there to make sure of it. I root for the Red Sox when they play Oakland, just because i am that kind of Yank fan, i know Jokeland gives us problems and the Sox are cursed to lose to use forever. Long live the East, and Zito may as well change his name to Ziti the way he's gonna get eaten up. Thats right... we stomp the A's tonight... toy with the Royals this weekend... then go to Calicornia to beat the A's again on their own turf. Its an east coast thing ok, and with the sudden surge of male nurses over there, its no wonder 510 isn't the number anymore.
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5 Comments
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| Goin to Vegas |
| 04.28.04 (9:25 am) [edit] |
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Pray for me on my solo mission to Vegas, i will depart sometime on the 11th of May, to return on an undisclosed date. The Godfather Howard Stern will be there, and his hitmen Artie, Gary, KC, etc... John the Stutterer, need i say more. i might try to shoot to St. Louis from there to catch Artie's Stand up show there, sleep in the streets or something... gonna pack light for this one. I am accepting survival tips and ideas so let me know. I'll definitely be packing the lens piece, digi and 35mm. My goals are to not get arrested or kicked out of any place i may enter... which is do-able i think.
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5 Comments
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| New Chat Box |
| 04.27.04 (9:33 am) [edit] |
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Leave me a message YEA!!!
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3 Comments
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| A Hamstrocity |
| 04.27.04 (6:16 am) [edit] |
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So yesterday Toolbox left work early with the sniffles, feel better hamster boy, alot of calls to make tomorrow, "ok, hey you need a ride tomorrow morning?" sure toolbox, ill call you in the morning. The chain of events that follow are all a result of his toolboxiousness. i call hamy this morning, "oh hey dave, yea make sure you tell the boss ill be making calls from my house and going to a networking event afterwards" Whaaaat? Ok thanks you toolbox fucking hamster, i'm gonna figure out a way to work, click. So now i'm late right, no prob call a cab be there in 20minutes, smooth and quick right?, Wrong, i'm sitting in this fucking cab cursing the hamsters name when i feel something cold on my ass, i look.. oh it must be these metal seatbelts... they are just cold against by butt. Yea i get out of the car, my ass is like an oasis.. i think algae started reproducing and scores of pelicans were lining up behind me for a drink. What i sat in, i don't know. my ass is soaked. i've never had swamp ass this early on in the day i don't know what to do... wait yes i do.................... ok i just lined my undies with that quilted, quicker picker upper, bounty. i feel dry, but i cant sit down. this is horrible. And you know all the horrible thoughts going through my head about what it is.. i mean its a creepy cab, what if some feces clad undertaker spilt his manjuice in the back seat and now i sat in it, thats manjuice entirely too close to my virgin asshole, ahhh i'm sorry i have to go.
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5 Comments
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| RIP KATO |
| 04.26.04 (7:04 am) [edit] |
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On the day the great Este Lauder died, the fish they called Kato followed. My poor studio mate, i think i am a failure... i can't keep these fish alive. i cared for them well i think, you know what it was... it was that ghetto of an aquarium i had them in. it supposedly can handle a few fish, wrong. its big enough for one. Now only Ihop remains... healthy as ever though, thank god. i really need to look into new living quarters for him. i will take some time out now in memory of Kato.
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3 Comments
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| Milf Hunting |
| 04.25.04 (8:45 am) [edit] |
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So i have been on the prowl now for about a year and a half... absolutely obsessed with the older woman and i don't have a clue what to do about it. I mean this has got to happen soon, real soon.. i'm 23 now soon to be 24 and next thing you know pushing 30, therefore i need the 30-50 year old now. i really have a target age of 38-48, that would be perfect. i just don't know what to do with myself, how do i approach a gal like that... hey i find you extremely attractive and would love it if i could buy you a drink and maybe go home with you, if your husband isn't around. I'm not gonna approach it the usual, cause what am i gonna say, hey i'd really like to get to know you, i think this can go somewhere... what you have a daughter my age? Shit bring her to. NO see i don't want her at all! It doesnt help (or maybe it does) that i look 17, i have a feeling i won't be taken seriously, they will start looking up and around me.., ok ok where is the hidden camera. And i'm not about to pay for it, i was thinking about making up a t-shirt that says "wants nsa sex with older woman, inquire below" well no not that either. Pretty much all other fantasies have been achieved or left behind, now there is just this left. it sucks that i look at girls my age and try to age them in my head... 30, 35 , 40,45... aha! wow she is hott! Don't get me wrong i am still attracted to all kinds of chicks everywhere, but its just not the same. Women i need advice, anything, where do you meet you , i mean i know, i go to supermarkets and can't even shop i'm so distracted, oh man... then look at their husbands, they gotta want a piece or a younger guy, am i wrong??? Grrr i'm frustrated
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17 Comments
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| New song |
| 04.23.04 (10:12 am) [edit] |
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This guy is John the Stutterer, not to be confused with Stuttering John, who now announces for Late night with Jay Leno. He is trying out for win Stuttering Johns Job on the Howard Stern Radio Show, and oh my god... he should win.
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9 Comments
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| Hamster Boy Strikes Again |
| 04.23.04 (5:21 am) [edit] |
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As i look at an information packet hamster boy put together to send to a client. . . Hey toolbox, you sure you haven't sent info to this company already? " Yea, i'm sure i haven't sent anything why?" Cause their address is already in the UPS program which means we sent something to them already. "Yea i remember sending them some info, we don't need to send anything else." WHAAAAT??? Fucking A this guy.
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1 Comments
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| Hamsters in the night |
| 04.23.04 (5:06 am) [edit] |
Inevitable, i have to write about this toolbox again. One of a kind i tell you. Some of the things that come out of this kids mouth, unbearable. i mean one time, i had the misfortune of needing a ride to work from him, sounds simple right?? Wrong. Hey hamster boy, you want a newspaper this morning cause i am gonna hit up the deli before you get here... they don't have the New York Post which you love like anal, but they have the Journal, Daily News and maybe the times... "ok just don't get the Journal, i hate it." ok toolbox, no problem. So i go to the deli, get the daily news. Here ya go hamster, the daily news.... "oh cool, you shoulda got the journal but this is good." WHAAAAAAAAT? This fucking hamster boy rules!!!
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1 Comments
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| insanity plea |
| 04.22.04 (9:11 am) [edit] |
Every now and again me and my friends write mass emails to each other with no good in mind, just fun, here is the latest sample.
Some of us sit behind a computer for most of the day, a job; an air conditioned in the winter,heat on in the summer Office. Its a nice place here, behind a computer... we can sit and enjoy the endless miles of internet terrain, with occasional speed bumps in the form of database work and internet porn. What can you do? If it weren't for foxnews.com and craigslist.newyork.org , I don't think I would have a good day.... well that's not necessarily true, I could work on the sacred art form: Nutsweatus Handtohandus, otherwise known as the Ball Sweat Handshake. I got you didn't I, you want to know don't you... what is the Ball Sweat Handshake? (for all intensive purposes we will call it BSH, pronounced BISH) Well here yall go, its that thank you pal, that great job today, that I love working with you show of care. Its for that person you love having as a coworker because he or she gives you that certain amount of annoyance that you just could not live without. BSH Its for that person who just doesn't pack the manjuice, BSH its for that cafeteria worker who served you up Cream of Fetus. BSH Its for all the heffers out there who give good head to make up for the hairy mole on their cheek,BSH its for that toolbox you work with that doesn't mind his p's and q's and looks like a hamster,BSH its for that guy who wears sunglasses at the bar or club, its for ... you know what I think you guys get the point who its for, lets get to the cultivation. BSH This is not for the free hanging boxer wearers, this is for the boxer brief boys from Biloxi, you gotta make it count, ... you ever just find yourself hand on nuts, chillen?? Joe Pig knows what I'm talking about can I get an Amen, Joe? (Classic hand on balls kinda guy) Make it happen, sit cross legged for 15 minutes while reading your choice of material... then just grope those fukkers, its that easy.. Oh yea the moisture, its an ingenious ploy to show appreciation., Now just seek and destroy, Go find that guy or gal who is so deserving and PLOW! put her there folks.
Sorry girls, I don't really know what your equivalent is, sharing is caring , someone let us know.
Oh yea I am strapped with the purell hand sanitizer, so be easy.
Just kidding everyone.
Beep Beep Fukkers
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2 Comments
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| Thursday Knights |
| 04.20.04 (11:50 am) [edit] |
I'm not nearly as angry as i should be.
I can't hold a grudge for my life.
I laugh when things aren't funny.
I smile when things aren't right.
My fortune keeps me guessing.
My luck it lets me down.
I've seen the light, but love the night.
My mind just can't be found.
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3 Comments
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| MIA |
| 04.19.04 (6:13 am) [edit] |
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its been a while, a whole lot of nothing and something has been going on in my life. Yes that inner battle between nothing and something, I want to do something, no... I want to do nothing. Well I guess I have been a bit more busy than usual, I guess it all started with Bob Saget at the Laugh Factory 2 Fridays ago. He is a barrel of laughs, don't be fooled. I haven't heard that many curse words and dirty jokes in a good while. Then it of course is Yankee season, I try to take in as many games as possible. win or lose its definitely a good time at Yankee stadium... when you are loaded. I've been sick also BOOOOO. it sucks real bad, and ever since I got sick it seems I have been going out drinking... I make sense don't I. That vodka flavored cough syrup only works temporarily. What else, ahh I saw slipknot... for some reason I like them, though I don't recommend them to anyone, its not exactly love in motion. Let me wrap this up... stayed at the Helmsley in Midtown, shopped in the village, bought a jean jacket believe it or not, still sick, Cardia concert tonight ( cardiamusic.com), becoming addicted to Crossing Jordan, pleased with the opening of sandal season, nope I don't own a pair, and Yanks vs.. Boston in Friday night baby, yea! Oh I got a digital cam, so I will soon have a bit more to share...
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3 Comments
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| My favorite bands |
| 04.10.04 (6:17 pm) [edit] |
ok here is a look into my head.
Some of my favorite bands or artists:
Deftones
Coldplay
Korn
Turin Brakes
Ours
Blur
Nirvana
Cardia
Motley crue
Jodeci
Big Noyd
Cormega
3rd Bass
Beastie Boys
Radiohead
A Perfect Circle
Tool
Savage Garden
Hall and Oates
The Smiths
Metallica
Michael Jackson
New Edition
BIG
Slipknot
George Harrison
John Lennon
Commodores
Hed PE
The Isley Brothers
Toni Tone Tony
George Michael
Echo and the Bunnymen
NWA
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5 Comments
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| Death of a good fish |
| 04.08.04 (4:16 pm) [edit] |
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I've lost one of my own. you may remember i got some pet fish, Kato, Ihop (cause he's flat like a pancake) and a nameless fin named sophia, nameless because i didn't figure out its name until it was too late. so Darwinism at its best, survival of the fittest. Sophia was not fit, i am not sure what exactly the problem is because Ihop and Kato are fine. i think they mighta started eating the other fish.. is that possible, it looked like it mighta picked up some battle wounds or something, then when i was cleaning the tank... it had no more tail fin. Yes i flushed the little fella, it had to be done, i said a few words and depressed the lever. i guess that tank wasn't big enough for the three of them. sometimes fish just die, thats what they say. i'm gonna take some of my tax retun and buy a real aquarium, maybe a couple more fish. and i need a gravel vac, the missing piece to my fish tank cleaning puzzle. Lions and Tigers and Fish oh my. Can someone recommend some types of fish, i am clueless when it comes to this stuff.
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2 Comments
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| Cherishing Yesterday |
| 04.07.04 (8:46 am) [edit] |
Sometimes i yearn to be in that row boat, floating around Frog Leg Lake, bass fishing under the comforting hot summer sun. Just me and my Dad while my mom waited on shore. A cooler full of snacks and drinks, and the undying competition to out fish each other. i wasn't but 13 or 12, innocent like never again. I remember watching my dad like a hawk so as to pick up all the little techniques he had, but when he would try to show me something i would revolt and say i already know. Noone was ever out on the lake when we went, i don't believe many knew of it. Its a special place, one i can't forget. i caught by biggest freshwater bass there, weighed in at around 3 pounds. caught that bad boy on a surface lure to, he jumped out of the water for it, Splash!! i was so scared he was going to break the line. brought him home though, i thought i was going pro after that day, BassMasters here i come. Some dreams die with the company.
It was such a quiet place, and we didn't make it any louder. we never really talked about much, and if i think about it, we never really talked about anything ever. it was more nods and laughing every now and then. maybe a comment on a missed fish, or nice catch. i'm not really sure if he knew what to say, neither did i. i guess he was an older dad so we were worlds apart. i hesitate but still say that i can't say we knew each other very well. It was simple, i knew he loved me and he knew i loved him... beyond that, i'm not really sure. i think if he was around today we would be good friends, i have grown up a little and have interests that skipped a generation, right into his, and i would love to talk to him about things... ask him about the 50' 60's and 70's. He has been gone 4 and a half years almost, or 5 minutes depending on how i look at it. this wasn't supposed to be sad, so ill get to my point. i think i was in heaven, it was that lake... it was being with my dad out on the boat while my mom was reading in the car back on shore. it was the silence, the comfort, it was being a family... something i miss like christmas.
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4 Comments
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| Stupid Poet |
| 04.04.04 (9:34 am) [edit] |
Getting way to big for the britches these days,
Having morning after twitches from binge drinking displays, I've done a whole lot of thinking and my thinkings they say, I need to slow down my sinking before my ships in malaise.
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2 Comments
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| Pink Panther turns 40 |
| 04.03.04 (9:03 am) [edit] |
Happy Birthday!! Ahh cartoon/movies that defined the comdey of our times, or well the time just before mine. Peter Sellers, Blake Edwards... if you don't know the names you need to do some research. Its funny i will sit here and watch all the pink panther movies and laugh through every single one of them, yet when i watch them with someone, they just don't seem to find it as funny as i do. I will be the first to admit my sense of humor is wacked, dirty, dark, and i don't think sitcoms are funny... at all. Peter Sellers, he was funny. the art of his madness was ingenious, its what the greats of today studied to become great. In a shot in the dark, he is doing some investigating, hears screaming inside the room, backs up to break the door down, runs, someone opens the door, he runs through the room where an opera recital is being held, and out the window. Oh man i could watch that over and over. "i believe you killed him in a rit of fealous jage" "whats your name?", "mrs leverlilly", "well mrs lovelever..." and what a ridiculous accent. and we can't forget Kato, Cloussueu's housekeeper who is ordered to attack him at every possible chance to keep his skills up to par. this makes for hysterical fights.
Would i recommend these pink panther movies to you?? i dunno, can you hang? if you think friends is funny, no dont watch these movies, if you think jerry lewis is a god, yes these are for you. If you think jim carey is almost funny but too over the top, i would check out the pink panther.
okokok i'm done with this blog, i promise the next one will be more fun.
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2 Comments
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| Become boring |
| 04.02.04 (9:11 am) [edit] |
I used to live life like tomorrow was coming no matter what i did. Like i was invincible, a wannabe superman. When the harsh realities of life kick in, you can only do but one thing... become more boring. Not to say i'm boring or that my life is, but it has become less eventfull and more normal than it used to be. On work nights i am fully capable of getting loose till 3 in the morning and being at work at 8 am. I don't do that anymore. Instead i come home, watch way too much news and go to the gym. Oh yea i eat to. Sounds normal and healthy right??? Wrong, my inner light is dimming, that matching spark in my eye and smile gets little air time anymore. I wake up early on the weekends, my stuff collection has me out-classed... i am the youngest thing in my room besides my fish and plants, I have fish and plants and take care of them. My plants are supposed to die and my fish starve, instead everything is flourinshing like Rome under Caesar. A 23 yearold with the taste of a 50 year old who dresses like he's 16 , looks 17,acts like a 18 year old but insists he is mature, yea thats me. i've yet to hit my prime. I feel like my social life has been retired. maybe my prime is behind me. maybe when i'm 30 and look 24 and act like a 21 year old ill be roaring again. I kinda refuse to throw in the towel, maybe i need a concert binge for the month of april, 4 concerts and 4 yankee games and i should be ok. Maybe Manchester United needs to win the FA FUCKING CUP. I need a raise to, and there is too much horse testosterone in this fucking office, we need some estrogen. Sausage parties, im not used to that shit.
I need to throw the sappy game down and pick the camera back up, yes... thats what ill do.
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2 Comments
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