Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2009 March
2008 August
2007 July
2005 April
2005 March
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
My Links
REAL NEWS
DEFTONES
Coldplay pics i took
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Wrath of the Hamster |
| 05.28.04 (7:55 am) [edit] |
|
Lucky me i have recalled a banished memory of the Tool Box i call Hamster Boy, who is no longer a co-worker of mine. His cantankerous ways and bludgeoning stupidity has never left me without confusion. His total lack of social skills and constant controlled panic (by controlled i mean he is in a panic, but its in his head and what is acted out is more like flaccid brilliance. ) is always good for a funny story, hence the infamous pseudonym. So i remember this one time Hamster boy was going to make a run to the deli for breakfast, being the cream pie mustache toting tool box that he is , he asked me if i wanted anything. "Sure Tool box, i'll take a plain bagel toasted with Lox spread".... "lox spread?"... " yes, lox spread" STOP. right there i should have known, right when he repeated to me what i had just said to him... i should have known that the confusion had set in and he was slowly morphing the words that i said into his own hamster dictation. "Lox spread, no problem be back in 10" Seems simple right??? WRONG, this is Hamster boy we are talking about, i don't even know how to portray the following events. Lets see... ok so he came back, hands me a bagel wrapped up... i opened it. "what the fuck is this?" Now here is where it gets tricky, i dunno what came out of his mouth first, Lock Nuts or walnut spread. you read correctly... this toolbox said " thats what you wanted right, the walnut spread?" i was like " walnut spread.. i didn't know there was such a thing, i said lox spread you pencil pusher" "oh i thought you said lock nuts." i almost fell down, i would have laughed, just because he said lock nuts.. but i couldnt conceive how he came up with lock nuts from Lox and then brings back the walnut spread. I threw the bagel out, and started plotting my revenge. That will be in my next post. :evil: :evil: :twisted:
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| Old E |
| 05.28.04 (5:32 am) [edit] |
|
Why i drink it, i don't know... gets you bent i suppose... in all actuality it doesnt taste that bad.. if i pretend i'm an O G gangsta and pour a lil out for my hommies who aint here. i opted for 2 22's last night, as opposed to the classic 40oz, that thing gets a little wicked towards the end. It was a rather awkward night, the on before this morning... i totally fucked my computer all up, its in 6's and 7's. so i really did not know what to do with myself, so i just whipped out (no not that) the remote and browsed the Videos on Demand, its a great thing. i ended up watching hoodlum which is a kick ass movie and Andy Garcia gives the best performance as Lucky Luciano... Tim Roth is also great as Dutch Scholtz... Old time mob movies are the best. So back to being a strange night, i sat home and watched a movie alone, drank some old E and ate a bag of onion and garlic Wise chips. I didn't watch Leno and Conan... i feel like i skipped church or something. Lets back track for a sec to see how weird i really am, before i got home to do the movie thing, i was at the soccer fields by myself practicing my shot and then i ran a mile around the track. i repeat , i ran a mile around the track. that is the worst thing ever. who runs, who does that. i ran for fun, i never run unless i am playing soccer. i am like a three toed sloth unless i'm on the pitch. Shit i didnt even watch the Yankee game, i didn't have to i knew what was going to happen, wait check that, no i did not know we were going to demoralize them with 18 runs after they had a 3-0 lead. i thought it was gonna be a kinder, more gentle number like 13. we scored 41 runs in three games against them... thats harsh, a little rough on the constitution. Now we go to florida to play the half ass devil rays in Tampa, they suck ass like an anal vacuum. half a game out of first place now, cause boston got the shaft placed in the rectum last night by Oakland. We will be in first by Sunday. oh well whatever nevermind
|
|
11 Comments
|
| |
| When pipe dreams strike |
| 05.26.04 (5:37 am) [edit] |
|
If i said last night was amazing it would be the understatement of the year. It started like a normal Tuesday evening. I got off work and went over to the soccer fields to play some ball, only when i arrived... i noticed that everyone there was a girl, beautiful girls, amazing hott beautiful girls everywhere. I asked,, Hey what happened to the usual bunch of guys that get together here to play pick up soccer every week. They responded in high pitch with random giggling.."they don't play here anymore, its just us now... we usually dont let guys play with us but we can make an exception just this once." Wow, i was thinking to myself that death must be calling because this type of shit only happened to me in college. so we started playing 11 vs 11 soccer, and i was like wait a minute wait a minute, i can't tell who is on my team... you all over there, yea... take your shirts off, you are skins. They listened. so it was me and 10 girls versus 11 girls in sports bras... we played for about 30 mins and decided to take a break . it was really hot out so the girls on my team were like "hey, sports bra team... take off your sports bras and be skins... we'll be sports bras... oh Dave you are the only guy so it doesnt matter what you do." This was a true statement. we started playing again and i was really doing shitty, all these titties bouncing around everywhere were fucking me all up, i couldn't play defense... i always thought if i was too aggressive they might think i was coping a feel, thats until one of the chicks said " hey Dave, suck it up pussy and play some D, whats the matter can't take on a couple girls....?" Thats when it started raining chocolate, we kept playin as well as we could but it really started coming down, we were sliding all over the field, running into each other... it was a real mess, all the girls thought it was funny and kept giggling and stuff. well skins were up 2-1 and we were about to call it a day, the chocolate rain had stopped and we were all sweaty and covered in chocolate... i said.. "you know i figured all your guys's boyfriends would just be here watching you all play since you know... you get half naked and stuff." They were like " boyfriends?... we are all lesbians." They all pranced away giggling more than ever and went over by the hose... " Dave can you hose us off, all this chocolate is getting really sticky." It was getting late but i figured what the hell, so i started spraying water on them... thats when the shorts and cleats came off, and this weird music came out of what seemed to be the sky, i looked to my left and saw snoop dog and he winked at me. They started wiping each other down and dancing to the music all sensual and shit, i yelled" hey what the fuck, i need to get clean to ya know!" so Bambi and Fifi ran over and grabbed the hose from me they started spraying me down and some of the girls came over to help while the rest started making out and touching each other. Thats when Snoop came over to me and said "you like this right" i was like fuck yea.. he said " if i snap my fingers all these girls will turn straight and not be lesbians anymore" i said " straight and not lesbians" he said "yes straight, not lesbians" i said "just with a snap of your fingers?" he said " yes just like that" i said " can you make it rain chocolate again?" he said "yea dog, no problem" then i asked " can you make half of them straight and the other half lesbians?" he said " fo shizzle my nizzle" the i said " can you just make them all bi-sexual?" he said" no doubt kid".... Thats when i woke up soaking wet... Pipe dreams, David.... Pipe dreams.
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| Slipknot Vol. 3 |
| 05.23.04 (7:05 am) [edit] |
|
Alls i have to say is GREAT, this latest album from slipknot is a masterpiece (not Disasterpiece, for all you 666 fukkers out there) I know exactly how this happened... they worked with Rick Rubin, who has again proved he is a musical genious. I mean he made slipknot go in like 3 different directions on this album, Corey layed down like 3 slow songs and a love song.. all surrounded by the heaviest rock on the planet. I was lucky enough to get an advance copy and i have been giving it heavy rotation. Now i am really really glad that Rick will be producing OURS's next album, cause they are the best and could use the clout surrounding Rick.
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| Back in NY |
| 05.16.04 (10:03 am) [edit] |
|
So my trip was a success, for the most part. I saw my man Howard Stern do his show, hysterical as usual. Gave Artie a "Fuck That Shit" pin that he can focus on after the huge losses he took all week. Learned to play Roulette, the hard way. Yes i blew 1.5G's in about 2 minutes. Hey what can you do, i was in it to win it and i lost it.That happened on Thursday/Friday morning, so i really didn't want to do anything after that but go home... ideally i woulda caught an early flight home to catch some Yankee games, seeing as how the only thing in Vegas i was interested in at all was over on Thursday, there was no reason to be there... Note to self, no Vegas trips for longer than 3 days unless you start winning it all. By the way i am going to start a club, its the I AM NOT A TOURIST club. Repeat after me I AM NOT A TOURIST, I DO NOT CARE TO SEE YOUR STINKING SIGHTS, IF I WANTED TO SIGHT SEE I WOULD GO ONLINE, I WILL NOT WALK FAR IN EXTREME HEAT FOR ANY REASON, I WILL DO MY BEST TO AVOID TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT NATIVES TO THE PLACE I FIND MY SELF VISITING. Visitors, I am a visitor... i go places for a reason then i leave. Tourists go because of an idea, then make up reasons to kill time and places to go while they are there. The I AM NOT A TOURIST club has just been renamed the VISITORS CLUB our moto: the 3 G's... Get in , Get out, Go home! Ill get some pics in here when i get a chance.
|
|
3 Comments
|
| |
| New York in Vegas |
| 05.07.04 (11:34 am) [edit] |
|
I show my sincere desire to get away, so i must leave new york... left up to me where am i staying??? New York New York Hotel and Casino. Ahh home away from home, its really nice and has a roller coaster going through it. Its on the strip, which i really don't give a shit about. I convinced myself that staying in Vegas past the days Howard Stern is gonna be there is worth it, because i can do fun stuff like.. like... yea i better bring my rollerblades. I vow not to leave the state again unless i am going to the rainforest or Europe, maybe Japan. Unless is on a mission basis, which i love to do, get in, see what i came for and get the fuck out of dodge. Around this time last year i went to see the deftones in Myrtle Beach, a short flight from NY. i was there all of 13 hours... land, check in, go to the show, go to sleep, and wake up to come straight home. That was one of the best times i have ever had. Now i am going over the countless people that gave me shit for the idea of going to vegas for 2 days, what the hell is wrong with that, "we came, we saw, we kicked its ass" thats my moto. i wanna operate like Rambo, drop in, fuck shit up, then get airlifted out. See i guarantee if i gamble i lose my shirt, so thats out... prostitutes... not this time. Maybe i'll find some lesbians and wrestle in chocolate with them, i will focus on that and take lots of pictures
|
|
2 Comments
|
| |
| F |
| 05.05.04 (3:14 pm) [edit] |
i hate computers and webhosting and html and domains and all that shit. Fuck me! i can't figure anything out.
Thanks for listening
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
|
|
