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Part Deuce!
06.28.04 (6:28 am)   [edit]
This is going to be disgusting to an unmatched level, but i feel... since i am on a life-blog kick, that i must be honest. I may have to remove this post soon for my own sake!

So i went to the Yankee game yesterday and stuck to tradition by getting the famous Premio italian sausage, 2 of them, one hot and one sweet... lets skip over the whole game (we won) and go straight to this morning when i was conducting my daily morning ritual of dropping a deuce... Folks when i say disturbing i mean it... this was a three flusher, fuck a courtesy flush i had to add a post deuce flush just to clean up the "loose ends". Apparently the premio sausage went to town on my stomach, i by no means should have waited till morning to release these excrements, i mean it took so long that i didn't have time to take a shower... does anyone know what i am talking about... like you drop deuce, think you are done... wipe, then plop plop plop... they just keep coming out, i musta spoiled 3/4 a roll of TP. The fecal matter was relentless... i didn't know what was going on. When i came out i had to play it off like i took a shower i was in there for so long. My hypothesis is that the two sausages, sweet and hot, went into my stomach.. came back to life as rats or whatever meat was used in them, fought each other, then killed each other.. i mean something definitely died up in me. I don't know, i feel like i had a colonoscopy or something, not that i've ever had one to relate the feeling. Well all said and done, i'm a new man, much lighter on my feet. God bless matches and Ozium air neutralizer.
 


posted by: rinna (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (6:34 am)

just when you thought cracking jokes about poop was as low as it was going to get, out comes honorary pom coldtones with an honest-to-goodness walkthrough on his sausage induced shit. nice work brother, it's not like it is in the movies...
x r x



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (6:50 am)

Reply to: rinna
he he pom?



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (7:18 am)

Reply to: rinna
whats pom!!!



posted by: rinna (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (7:19 am)

Reply to: Coldtones
dude, it's an englishman!



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (7:20 am)

Reply to: rinna
sorry,


posted by: rinna (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (7:27 am)

Reply to: Coldtones
don't be! lol. you're crazy manic like a pom too - now you just gotta get uptight and pasty white. :D




posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (7:28 am)

Reply to: rinna
LOL



posted by: adpierin11 (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:19 am)

couldn't even read it all b/c you grossed me out! Yuck! HAHA!



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:20 am)

Reply to: adpierin11
lol i try



posted by: Saint027 (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:26 am)

I find myself to be the fastest shitter around. I can be in and out in the time it takes a dude to have a long piss. Never had one tear me up that bad. Just keep the incense burning, it'll be alright man.



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:27 am)

Reply to: Saint027
incense... i should invest in that stuff if i keep this sort of assplay up



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:28 am)

Reply to: Saint027
bro whats up with hotblogs?




posted by: DarkMood (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:42 am)

That much gas & an open flame. Thats brave, I mean wow....glad you survived and didnt explode.



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:43 am)

Reply to: DarkMood
wow i didnt even look at it that way!



posted by: ScarlettGKPi (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:44 am)

OMG that's ewwwww but since you broached the subject...just light a candle in the bathroom...it's all good man.



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (9:46 am)

Reply to: ScarlettGKPi
broached the subject lol i like that



posted by: misskendy (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (6:02 pm)

eerrm last time I eat while I read your blog baby!!!! ROFL



posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 06.28.04 (8:20 pm)

Reply to: misskendy
; P



posted by: luluthebrit (reply)
post date: 06.29.04 (7:51 am)

Lovely story. I have one similar to that involving vegemite. It was vomit though...




posted by: deviant1 (reply)
post date: 06.30.04 (8:31 am)

Reply to: luluthebrit
Haha vegemite that'll learn ya!
hahahaha



posted by: ODUwildman (reply)
post date: 06.30.04 (10:37 pm)

Went to Yankee Stadium last May for the first time. I'm not a Yankees fan, but totally respect the history and tradition of the franchise.

I'm an Angels fan (my older sister lived in California when I was young and got a bunch of gear, so I'm not bandwagon Angels fan), but Yankee Stadium is tha absolute shit.

Spending 20 bucks on a 2 small pizzas and two beers was a bit much. I'm spoiled by college wooden bat leagues and AAA ball. I love the allure of the smaller ballparks, plus, I get skybox tickets all the time for the Mets' AAA affliate that's here in Norfolk.

Look out for David Wright, he's a AAA 3B for the Norfolk Tides, he's hitting a ton and from Chesapeake, Va. 20 miles from here.

You might find my post about the newspaper industry enlightening to a point, since I recently posted about designing the baseball page.

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