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Keys to a good relationship.

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Keys to a good relationship.

10.22.04 (9:42 am) [edit]

1. Don't ask your girlfriend to have a threesome. It's not happening, if she was that down that she would have one... you wouldn't have to bring it up, she would.

2. If you want to have sex with your girlfriends sister, don't tell her. You will never be trusted to be around her alone again.

3. If you want to have sex with your girlfriends mother, don't tell her. You will never be trusted to be around her alone again.

4. If your girlfriend can't cook, pretend she can... then secretly throw out everything she makes you, but tell her how good it was. If you tell her it was bad, you will never hear the end of it.

5. Pretend you can't iron or clean well. Make sure you make repeated but lousy attempts to do these things though, eventually she will think it is so cute that you try but just can't do it, then she will do them for you.

6. Don't comment on your girlfriends driving no matter how close to death you come or how angry other drivers get. Trust me on this one, it will save a whole lot of fights.

7. If an incredibly gorgeous girl is about to walk by, simultaneously grab your girls hand or put your arm around her as you eye the other chick up and down. The fact that you are giving your girlfriend so much attention around another hott female will totally blind her to the fact that you are checking out the other chick. Believe me she knows there is another hott body in the vicinity.

8. Give your girlfriend a dutch oven. (while in bed, lay a huge fart and pull the covers over her head.) This will make any other fart you drop seem like a negligible action, in other words no other fart will be as bad as the dutch oven... hence you may fart away.

9. Always ask before you change the channel, i bet many of you did not know this, but girls can watch tv in the living room (wedding story) from the bathroom with the hair dryer on.

10. If you want ass but don't feel like returning the favor, masturbate... this will save you a headache and blue balls. Don't expect hand-outs with a smile unless you are a rockstar or celebrity.

If anyone has anything else to add or some counter-opinions... feel free!

posted by: 14u2nv (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:48 am)

So you're the one that taught my b/f how to be such a pig!

posted by: rinna (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:50 am)

'4. If your girlfriend can't cook, pretend she can... then secretly throw out everything she makes you, but tell her how good it was. If you tell her it was bad, you will never hear the end of it.'

mate, i'm not stupid. matt cooks. LOL

posted by: SilentScream (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:51 am)

1,2,3 - true
4 - cook for her, lazy jerk! ;)
5 - what color IS the sky in your world?
6 - and she'll do the same for you
7 - ya lost points for the drool
8 - classy
9 - damn straight
10 - i suspect you do this a lot ;)
amusing!

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:52 am)

Reply to: 14u2nv
lol, well... maybe i will write the anti-post to this later... and show you how romantic i can be.

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:53 am)

Reply to: rinna
Ha you know something though, i can cook and love to, so its not that bad!

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (9:54 am)

Reply to: SilentScream
yan can cook and so can I!

posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:10 am)

If you want to have sex with your girlfrined's sister or mother, she's probably the wrong girl for you. You're DEFINITELY the wrong guy for her!

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:23 am)

Reply to: altricial
Ill be sure to relay that to her, and lighten up.. sorry if i find people attractive and say it.

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:26 am)

Reply to: altricial
liberal fem-bot

posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:38 am)

Reply to: altricial
who said I was heavy? And do you really think I'm wrong???

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:41 am)

Reply to: altricial
well i didn't say you were heavy, and i don't necessarily think you are wrong, but i also don't think i was being whole-hearted in what i wrote... just giving a one-sided rant. Contrary to popular belief, i'm not always an asshole.

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (10:42 am)

Reply to: altricial
and now i get it... lighten up, you aren't heavy... hra hra hra

posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (3:39 pm)

if you're calling a 40 year-old stay at home mom registered independant who usually leans republican liberal, the liberals are in deep shit. PS - my original post, while true WAS a joke! silly boy...

posted by: Coldtones (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (3:50 pm)

Reply to: altricial
8) i am going to have to come up with another post to cater to all the lovers and romantics out there

posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 10.22.04 (3:57 pm)

see? you can be so nice when you want to.... ;o)